Hi folks. Just back to update the space. I realised that the bulk of my posts are rants but I really just can't help it. I don't think people even visit this neglected space of mine anymore but whatever. All the better. I'm just gonna rant here.
I don't understand. Why is it my problem? I hate it. I really really really hate it when people push the blame to me. You think it's very nice to be sandwiched? Come on, I wouldn't want to shout at you if I don't have to. People who know me all know that I have a very good ability of holding back. To the extent even when I get insulted or whatsoever I won't retaliate or even get angry. But you. Man, you really crossed the line. The god damned fucking line ok. I've been putting up with all your shit for so long I really cannot take it anymore. Seriously you think that you're the only one who has it bad? People have it worse off okay? And just because you have it bad, doesn't mean you're automatically granted the power to dump your anger on me okay? I really hate to say this but can you stop being so selfish? You're being increasingly so and it is worsening EXPONENTIALLY. I really cannot take it anymore. Why must I put up with all these? You say it's not your responsibility because it's your right. So you're saying you can have basic human rights and I cannot? Why? What makes you think you're so special? A level above me? Sorry but I preach equality. You don't even make sense. Do you even know what you're saying? Your logic is FLAWED.
Just because I remain silent, just because I let you keep pushing me to the corner doesn't mean I'll continue remaining quiet okay? You call me names, I let it go. Keep calling me names, I let it go. You push stuff to me, fine I'll do whatever you ask. But you don't just dump your responsibilities to me okay. If it's not your responsibility why is it mine? Mind you there is no apparent link okay. Just because we're related by blood doesn't give you the right to do all these to me okay.
Don't think I don't know why you're always do these to me. I would also love to think that it's just me being oversensitive but you keep smacking it right back into my face, as if telling me to fucking man up and stop dreaming. It's because I remind you of things you hate right? It's not just you who hate things okay seriously can you be more mature. I really really HATE the way you handle things.
I hate it when people avoid problems. JUST FUCKING FACE IT OMG?!?!??! I don't get it. Face it. Even if it hurts, it's gonna just hurt a bit. For a short while. As compared to avoiding problems? It's like a constant torture? I REALLY CANNOT UNDERSTAND. I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO BUT I KNOW THAT WHEN I LOOK AT THE PERSON.... The words that I wanna say would magically disappear into thin air.
Vexed. So vexed. Very vexed.
I always questioned why. Since a long time ago, I've questioned. And then I grew out of it. I outgrew myself and I stopped questioning why. But you're forcing me to question why again. But then again, who do I question? Where do I look for answers? Who do I have at the end of the tunnel?
Always been strong. Always been independent. But right now, I'm so tired. Tired of everything. But I still keep faith. I keep on walking. Previously, it was because I wanted to reach the end of this dreadfully long tunnel to find the person who's gonna be there for me. But now, I'm starting to question if this person even exist. They say hope it what allows you to survive but it also kills you from within. Indeed. Hope allowed me to survive until today but it's consuming me from within too. Constantly afraid to reach the end to no one. I really don't know anymore.
