Hi folks. Just back to update the space. I realised that the bulk of my posts are rants but I really just can't help it. I don't think people even visit this neglected space of mine anymore but whatever. All the better. I'm just gonna rant here.
I don't understand. Why is it my problem? I hate it. I really really really hate it when people push the blame to me. You think it's very nice to be sandwiched? Come on, I wouldn't want to shout at you if I don't have to. People who know me all know that I have a very good ability of holding back. To the extent even when I get insulted or whatsoever I won't retaliate or even get angry. But you. Man, you really crossed the line. The god damned fucking line ok. I've been putting up with all your shit for so long I really cannot take it anymore. Seriously you think that you're the only one who has it bad? People have it worse off okay? And just because you have it bad, doesn't mean you're automatically granted the power to dump your anger on me okay? I really hate to say this but can you stop being so selfish? You're being increasingly so and it is worsening EXPONENTIALLY. I really cannot take it anymore. Why must I put up with all these? You say it's not your responsibility because it's your right. So you're saying you can have basic human rights and I cannot? Why? What makes you think you're so special? A level above me? Sorry but I preach equality. You don't even make sense. Do you even know what you're saying? Your logic is FLAWED.
Just because I remain silent, just because I let you keep pushing me to the corner doesn't mean I'll continue remaining quiet okay? You call me names, I let it go. Keep calling me names, I let it go. You push stuff to me, fine I'll do whatever you ask. But you don't just dump your responsibilities to me okay. If it's not your responsibility why is it mine? Mind you there is no apparent link okay. Just because we're related by blood doesn't give you the right to do all these to me okay.
Don't think I don't know why you're always do these to me. I would also love to think that it's just me being oversensitive but you keep smacking it right back into my face, as if telling me to fucking man up and stop dreaming. It's because I remind you of things you hate right? It's not just you who hate things okay seriously can you be more mature. I really really HATE the way you handle things.
I hate it when people avoid problems. JUST FUCKING FACE IT OMG?!?!??! I don't get it. Face it. Even if it hurts, it's gonna just hurt a bit. For a short while. As compared to avoiding problems? It's like a constant torture? I REALLY CANNOT UNDERSTAND. I REALLY NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO BUT I KNOW THAT WHEN I LOOK AT THE PERSON.... The words that I wanna say would magically disappear into thin air.
Vexed. So vexed. Very vexed.
I always questioned why. Since a long time ago, I've questioned. And then I grew out of it. I outgrew myself and I stopped questioning why. But you're forcing me to question why again. But then again, who do I question? Where do I look for answers? Who do I have at the end of the tunnel?
Always been strong. Always been independent. But right now, I'm so tired. Tired of everything. But I still keep faith. I keep on walking. Previously, it was because I wanted to reach the end of this dreadfully long tunnel to find the person who's gonna be there for me. But now, I'm starting to question if this person even exist. They say hope it what allows you to survive but it also kills you from within. Indeed. Hope allowed me to survive until today but it's consuming me from within too. Constantly afraid to reach the end to no one. I really don't know anymore.
Saturday, November 21, 2015
Thursday, July 9, 2015
BKK Trip 2015
Hi guys! I've received multiple "questions" on my ask.fm (ask.fm/Diamondstarsx3), to update my blog. I haven't had the time to blog because of my crazy tight schedule in school. It's been a crazy, hectic, 7 months. Ever since J2 started, it's been hectic. When I was in secondary school, I used to think: I'm examined for 7/8 subjects for O levels. How hard can A levels be? It's only 5 subjects right.. I was wrong. When I was in J1, I used to think: J2's gonna be easier man... without all the PW and Chinese. I was wrong too. It really hit another level and there're times when I really just doubt myself and my own abilities but I guess this is just part and parcel of life.
Okay but that's besides the point. The main point is.. BKK TRIP 2015! As some of you may know, I went to Bangkok, Thailand during my June holidays. It was a really great trip and I really enjoyed myself big time and yes it was my first ever backpacking trip. Wonderful experience I would say! And yes it was my first visit to BKK. I must say it was a really pleasant experience. I really can't remember specific details but I'll try my best to give you people an idea of what the trip was like and which places sell good stuff.
Disclaimer: It was my first time there so forgive me if I don't do a good job!
DAY ONE
Landed in Suvarnabhumi Airport and immediately searched high and low for mobile providers. It costs about 200baht (S$8) for the data plan there (what a steal right?!) Then, we took the Airport Rail Link to Ratchaprarop Station which is the train station nearest to the hotel I was staying in. I stayed in Centara Watergate Pavillion Hotel. The place in general had a rather nice ambience and the design and layout and everything were great but I didn't quite like the pillows there because they just sink all the way down and it gave me rather serious neck and shoulder aches. The other downside is probably the check in timing because we had to wait till about 1-2pm before we could check in. So yes on the way to the hotel we passed by this shop that sells beef noodles. All variations of beef and only beef. It smelled really great and all but a pity I don't really take beef these days. Yes I'm a freethinker but in recent years I've sort out my thoughts. Because my family members are Buddhists, I try to avoid beef regardless of where I go, with or without them. I think it's only respectful for me to do that so ya!
CHIDLOM
We couldn't check in so we decided to head over to Chidlom (BTS station). We didn't fancy the thought of having to walk all the way back to Ratchaprarop station and transfer trains and what not to Chidlom so we went there by foot instead. It was really easy because almost everyone you meet on the streets are able to speak English. Though they're not exactly fluent in English, they are able to communicate hence language barrier isn't much of an issue there. So basically you just ask around for directions. It's really simple. For example, you wanna head to Chidlom. Just repeat "Chidlom?" to random people you meet on the streets and they'll guide you there. The people there are really friendly fyi!
We found out on the second/third day that we actually took the longer way to Chidlom?! There was a shorter way there but oh well, this is what I call a blessing in disguise. It's really easy to navigate around in BKK as long as you don't turn into those small alleys and what not. Basically you just keep walking straight it's really that simple. Okay so back to what I was saying. We came across this noodle shop and guess what? They sell really really good noodle soup with pork! I've never tasted pork quite that nice in my life! It was really great I loved it a lot. It's really difficult to tell you where exactly the shop is but it's in front of the 7eleven store with 2-3 huge dogs sleeping along the walkway. It's a must-try!
Went over to Erawan shrine next. It was a rather impressive sight. It was flooded with people and there were elephant structures by the sides. Golden.
Did I mention that the weather in BKK's really a killer? Headed over to Starbucks for a drink before departing for Big C. Big C's like a shopping mall. It's not exactly in Chidlom but it's somewhere there.. Just gotta walk around and you'll get it somehow. They have a really really HUGE supermarket on the second and third level. They sell practically everything I swear. It's really good if you like to shop for food, daily necessities and what not.
RATCHAPRAROP
Walked back to the hotel, checked in and off we went to Platinum Fashion Mall. Now, this is where I call heaven. I was very disappointed initially because I've heard/came across tons and tons of good reviews regarding Platinum Fashion Mall and I was kinda expecting a lot out of it thus my disappointment. Little did I know.... There were different zones and sections leading to many many different stores. I wasn't aware of that and was initially disappointed cos I was thinking: dashit? So little things only nice to shop meh? Man, how wrong could I have gotten? Been there for 4 days and I can proudly tell you: I HAVE YET TO FINISH SHOPPING AT PLATINUM FASHION MALL. It really IS heaven. My heaven. I love shopping.
(skipping some stuff in between cos I really cannot remember)
Dinner time! Went to a random seafood 'restaurant' opposite Platinum Mall and I can safely say they sell the BEST tomyum soup ever?! The seafood was really fresh and everything tasted super great (and cheap as compared to Singapore).
Went to the night market around the hotel area. Tons of cheap and good stuff too. It was really nice walking around at night because the weather was much more lenient on us like at least we don't perspire as much as we do in the morning (although we still did perspire).
DAY TWO
RISE AND SHINE! To the 5AM market we go! The Pratunam Market (around the same vicinity) was great too though I personally prefer Platinum Mall to Pratunam Market though the prices are prolly that little bit cheaper than those in Platinum..? But I personally feel that the clothes they sell in Platinum Mall are much more to my liking. I don't know I mean like it depends! Varies from individuals to individuals.
Took the BTS to SIAM station.
SIAM
Another famous place in BKK where many people visit. Went to SOMTAMNUA at Siam Square Soi. 5 (some lane in Siam area.. just repeat somtamnua and they'll direct you there!) upon recommendation by my friend, Charig. Thanks Charig! The wings there are really good. Actually that's like my favourite dish there.. Rather, the only dish I really liked. But it was still a great place to visit (for their wings)!
There's always space for desserts, no? Headed over to MANGO TANGO (also at Soi. 5) upon mad recommendation by my friends, Yirou and Yinling. Thank you girls! As some of you may know I have this mad love for mangoes I really don't know where I got that from but I really love eating mangoes. Can't remember the exact names of the dishes I ordered but it was quite normal to me. I know there's this crazy hype. I must say I was rather impressed at first but after I tried the mango sticky rice I got along the streets....... it died. It really did. Street food mangoes are really honestly much better. I mean it's my opinion! I just don't see what's the hoo-ha all about.
Did some shopping around Siam area. There's really a lot of shopping centres there. I reckon it's like the Orchard Road in Singapore. Tons of huge malls clustered in an area. Visited Siam Square, Siam Paragon, etc. The things sold here are much much much more expensive but it still felt great to shop around this area!
Walked over to Central World (another shopping mall nearby) and realised that actually Siam was quite near (actually not very but we enjoyed those long walks a lot) to our hotel so we decided to go everywhere by foot!
DAY THREE
Got our breakfast along the streets. Had some seafood noodles and it was heavenly! I really loved it. Went to Platinum again and headed to Asok station (BTS). Terminal 21!
ASOK
I was quite surprised to be able to even get clothes from Terminal 21. It wasn't exactly cheap but some are. I mean like at least there're cheap and good stuff unlike the shopping malls in Siam area... I suppose it's the higher-end shopping area in BKK so yeah..
Had lunch at Yum Saap. They sell really good food too! Must try!
The toilets in Terminal 21 are really pretty though. There're like different themes for different levels. Really creative!
Dinner was street food. Must try the honey-glazed chicken wings (20baht per stick which is like only a few cents SGD...)!
DAY FOUR
Had one more cup of the Thai Iced Tea near Pratunam Morning Market. It's really really good but I really can't tell you the exact location because these street vendors actually move around like they don't stay at one place for the whole time... But yes the most distinctive feature of this stall is that there was a lot of bees flying around the stall HAHA prolly cos of the honey. It's like the best thai iced tea I've ever had. And yes I drink this almost every morning. Sorry for the messy-ness because this was like a good month ago and I'm typing all these based on pure memory.
Took the Airport Rail Link back to Suvarnabhumi Airport. Had lunch at the airport before departing for Singapore.
VERDICT: Thailand indeed lives up to its name- The Land of Smiles. It was prolly the happiest days of my entire June holidays and the pace of life there is just really comfortable. Given a chance, I would visit Bangkok, Thailand again and again and again. I really love it there! Likewise for backpacking. It was really fun!
So.. It's like 1.50AM now and I guess it's pretty evident that I'm feeling rather sleepy because I'm not too sure of what I'm typing now..?
But anyway let me give you a short summary of places to visit in BKK, in order of merit:
1) Platinum Fashion Mall
2) Night Market (in Ratchaprarop area...)
3) Pratunam Morning Market
4) Siam Area
5) Big C/Central World
6) Terminal 21
That's it folks!
Okay but that's besides the point. The main point is.. BKK TRIP 2015! As some of you may know, I went to Bangkok, Thailand during my June holidays. It was a really great trip and I really enjoyed myself big time and yes it was my first ever backpacking trip. Wonderful experience I would say! And yes it was my first visit to BKK. I must say it was a really pleasant experience. I really can't remember specific details but I'll try my best to give you people an idea of what the trip was like and which places sell good stuff.
Disclaimer: It was my first time there so forgive me if I don't do a good job!
DAY ONE
Landed in Suvarnabhumi Airport and immediately searched high and low for mobile providers. It costs about 200baht (S$8) for the data plan there (what a steal right?!) Then, we took the Airport Rail Link to Ratchaprarop Station which is the train station nearest to the hotel I was staying in. I stayed in Centara Watergate Pavillion Hotel. The place in general had a rather nice ambience and the design and layout and everything were great but I didn't quite like the pillows there because they just sink all the way down and it gave me rather serious neck and shoulder aches. The other downside is probably the check in timing because we had to wait till about 1-2pm before we could check in. So yes on the way to the hotel we passed by this shop that sells beef noodles. All variations of beef and only beef. It smelled really great and all but a pity I don't really take beef these days. Yes I'm a freethinker but in recent years I've sort out my thoughts. Because my family members are Buddhists, I try to avoid beef regardless of where I go, with or without them. I think it's only respectful for me to do that so ya!
CHIDLOM
We couldn't check in so we decided to head over to Chidlom (BTS station). We didn't fancy the thought of having to walk all the way back to Ratchaprarop station and transfer trains and what not to Chidlom so we went there by foot instead. It was really easy because almost everyone you meet on the streets are able to speak English. Though they're not exactly fluent in English, they are able to communicate hence language barrier isn't much of an issue there. So basically you just ask around for directions. It's really simple. For example, you wanna head to Chidlom. Just repeat "Chidlom?" to random people you meet on the streets and they'll guide you there. The people there are really friendly fyi!
We found out on the second/third day that we actually took the longer way to Chidlom?! There was a shorter way there but oh well, this is what I call a blessing in disguise. It's really easy to navigate around in BKK as long as you don't turn into those small alleys and what not. Basically you just keep walking straight it's really that simple. Okay so back to what I was saying. We came across this noodle shop and guess what? They sell really really good noodle soup with pork! I've never tasted pork quite that nice in my life! It was really great I loved it a lot. It's really difficult to tell you where exactly the shop is but it's in front of the 7eleven store with 2-3 huge dogs sleeping along the walkway. It's a must-try!
Went over to Erawan shrine next. It was a rather impressive sight. It was flooded with people and there were elephant structures by the sides. Golden.
Did I mention that the weather in BKK's really a killer? Headed over to Starbucks for a drink before departing for Big C. Big C's like a shopping mall. It's not exactly in Chidlom but it's somewhere there.. Just gotta walk around and you'll get it somehow. They have a really really HUGE supermarket on the second and third level. They sell practically everything I swear. It's really good if you like to shop for food, daily necessities and what not.
RATCHAPRAROP
Walked back to the hotel, checked in and off we went to Platinum Fashion Mall. Now, this is where I call heaven. I was very disappointed initially because I've heard/came across tons and tons of good reviews regarding Platinum Fashion Mall and I was kinda expecting a lot out of it thus my disappointment. Little did I know.... There were different zones and sections leading to many many different stores. I wasn't aware of that and was initially disappointed cos I was thinking: dashit? So little things only nice to shop meh? Man, how wrong could I have gotten? Been there for 4 days and I can proudly tell you: I HAVE YET TO FINISH SHOPPING AT PLATINUM FASHION MALL. It really IS heaven. My heaven. I love shopping.
(skipping some stuff in between cos I really cannot remember)
Dinner time! Went to a random seafood 'restaurant' opposite Platinum Mall and I can safely say they sell the BEST tomyum soup ever?! The seafood was really fresh and everything tasted super great (and cheap as compared to Singapore).
Went to the night market around the hotel area. Tons of cheap and good stuff too. It was really nice walking around at night because the weather was much more lenient on us like at least we don't perspire as much as we do in the morning (although we still did perspire).
DAY TWO
RISE AND SHINE! To the 5AM market we go! The Pratunam Market (around the same vicinity) was great too though I personally prefer Platinum Mall to Pratunam Market though the prices are prolly that little bit cheaper than those in Platinum..? But I personally feel that the clothes they sell in Platinum Mall are much more to my liking. I don't know I mean like it depends! Varies from individuals to individuals.
Took the BTS to SIAM station.
SIAM
Another famous place in BKK where many people visit. Went to SOMTAMNUA at Siam Square Soi. 5 (some lane in Siam area.. just repeat somtamnua and they'll direct you there!) upon recommendation by my friend, Charig. Thanks Charig! The wings there are really good. Actually that's like my favourite dish there.. Rather, the only dish I really liked. But it was still a great place to visit (for their wings)!
There's always space for desserts, no? Headed over to MANGO TANGO (also at Soi. 5) upon mad recommendation by my friends, Yirou and Yinling. Thank you girls! As some of you may know I have this mad love for mangoes I really don't know where I got that from but I really love eating mangoes. Can't remember the exact names of the dishes I ordered but it was quite normal to me. I know there's this crazy hype. I must say I was rather impressed at first but after I tried the mango sticky rice I got along the streets....... it died. It really did. Street food mangoes are really honestly much better. I mean it's my opinion! I just don't see what's the hoo-ha all about.
Did some shopping around Siam area. There's really a lot of shopping centres there. I reckon it's like the Orchard Road in Singapore. Tons of huge malls clustered in an area. Visited Siam Square, Siam Paragon, etc. The things sold here are much much much more expensive but it still felt great to shop around this area!
Walked over to Central World (another shopping mall nearby) and realised that actually Siam was quite near (actually not very but we enjoyed those long walks a lot) to our hotel so we decided to go everywhere by foot!
DAY THREE
Got our breakfast along the streets. Had some seafood noodles and it was heavenly! I really loved it. Went to Platinum again and headed to Asok station (BTS). Terminal 21!
ASOK
I was quite surprised to be able to even get clothes from Terminal 21. It wasn't exactly cheap but some are. I mean like at least there're cheap and good stuff unlike the shopping malls in Siam area... I suppose it's the higher-end shopping area in BKK so yeah..
Had lunch at Yum Saap. They sell really good food too! Must try!
The toilets in Terminal 21 are really pretty though. There're like different themes for different levels. Really creative!
Dinner was street food. Must try the honey-glazed chicken wings (20baht per stick which is like only a few cents SGD...)!
DAY FOUR
Had one more cup of the Thai Iced Tea near Pratunam Morning Market. It's really really good but I really can't tell you the exact location because these street vendors actually move around like they don't stay at one place for the whole time... But yes the most distinctive feature of this stall is that there was a lot of bees flying around the stall HAHA prolly cos of the honey. It's like the best thai iced tea I've ever had. And yes I drink this almost every morning. Sorry for the messy-ness because this was like a good month ago and I'm typing all these based on pure memory.
Took the Airport Rail Link back to Suvarnabhumi Airport. Had lunch at the airport before departing for Singapore.
VERDICT: Thailand indeed lives up to its name- The Land of Smiles. It was prolly the happiest days of my entire June holidays and the pace of life there is just really comfortable. Given a chance, I would visit Bangkok, Thailand again and again and again. I really love it there! Likewise for backpacking. It was really fun!
So.. It's like 1.50AM now and I guess it's pretty evident that I'm feeling rather sleepy because I'm not too sure of what I'm typing now..?
But anyway let me give you a short summary of places to visit in BKK, in order of merit:
1) Platinum Fashion Mall
2) Night Market (in Ratchaprarop area...)
3) Pratunam Morning Market
4) Siam Area
5) Big C/Central World
6) Terminal 21
That's it folks!
Sunday, December 14, 2014
Basic Courtesy
Hello there folks! It's been so long since I've last updated here.
Went to USS with Estella today. It's been a great time though it was raining. Second year celebrating Christmas with this dear girl.
Last year, we celebrated Christmas on 24th December in Everland, Korea, with snow.
This year, we celebrated Christmas on 13th December in USS, Singapore, with rain.
Thank you so much for today girl. It's been 10 years since we've known each other and it's really a blessing to have you as a friend!
All was well. Except something that happened. Yes, as you may have guessed, this is gonna be the bulk of this entry. I'm touching on basic courtesy today.
Basic courtesy- what preschool teachers teach preschoolers. What parents teach their children. What people expect of one another. And sadly, what most people are lacking. As many would expect people in a highly developed country would behave- respectful, courteous and polite- reality often prove that this is not the case. There's always two sides to a story and what happened earlier today (wait it's 12.25AM, 14th December now so let me correct myself- yesterday), really grossed me out. Disgusting.
People often say, "Maturity doesn't come with age". Bingo man. I can't agree enough. So, let me give you a detailed write up on what exactly happened. However, to prevent unnecessary complications, I'll just call the people involved in the "conflict" A, B, C and D (MIDDLE-AGED ADULTS) (except for me and Estella).
Yes. I'm that pissed off I have to type this entry at 12+AM. If not I can't sleep. Trust me, I am THAT annoyed.
So, it was raining rather heavily and we decided that we want to have an early dinner. We went into this restaurant in USS, and it was really packed and there were no seats at all. So, Estella suggested that I queued up for the food while she searched for seats. I agreed and everything went on as planned. All was good.
About 5 minutes later, I noticed a family of 4 to my left were about to be done with their meal so I signalled for Estella to come over to wait by that table and she did. It was about 3 minutes later when I noticed these 3 people- Man A, Man B and Woman C, chatting loudly in a foreign language which I can't understand. Promptly after which, Woman C walked over to the other end of the table Estella was waiting by. Estella and I looked at each other, puzzled.
So, this kid (part of the family of 4) got out of his sit and Woman C hurriedly put her wallet on the table. Mind you, the family wasn't even done. The kid merely stood up first. How rude. Fine. It was obvious she was trying to snatch the table. So be it. Estella looked at me, puzzled and I just said out loud, "WE found this table FIRST so we're gonna take it.". Woman C shot me a look. But wait a minute, do I look like a care?!? Like hello I found the table first you should've known better than to try take the table from me? WORSE still, you didn't even ask for my permission to probably, SHARE the table. Rude.
When the family of 4 finally stood up to leave, Estella put her stuff on the chair nearer to us and separated the tables. It's logical- there's only two of us, me and Estella. We only need a table and TWO chairs yes. I'm CONFIDENT I'm NOT INVISIBLE yeah? We're already being kind by separating the tables and leaving TWO god damned seats for you okay. Just when we thought all was fine, Woman D came about and dragged the chair from our table to hers. I shot her a look. I couldn't be bothered any more since she wants to be this rude and annoying right? So, I just said, "I think it's obvious we need TWO chairs right?". What I said rendered her speechless and powerless so she had no choice but to return us the chair. Once again. JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER.
Woman: /talking to Estella/ Hey do you mind if you guys just shift to the table over there we found two seats. /vaguely points to some table/ ((SHE DIDN'T EVEN LEAVE THE FREAKING TABLE AND CLAIMED SHE FOUND TWO SEATS)) ((Do you really think we're dumbfucks?))
Estella: /looks at me, searching my face for answers/
Me: (since she wasn't directly talking to me) Ask her, if the seats are AVAILABLE.
Woman: There are seats over there. (THERE WERE NO TABLES THAT WERE EMPTY)
Me: Ask her, ARE THE SEATS AVAILABLE.
Woman: There are seats there there /points vaguely/
Me: (getting fired up) No. ARE THE SEATS EVEN AVAILABLE?
Woman was left with no choice so she went over to this pair of mother and daughter who were sitting at a table with two empty seats if the seats were actually available. I guess the mother was watching us throughout the entire "conflict" and she said yes that the seats were available. Fine. We move. Big deal? As long as we all have seats and everybody's happy right? Once again, JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER.
Approaching the counter, I asked Estella if she wanted to get trays so it'll be easier to carry our food. She said okay and went ahead to take TWO trays- one for ME and one for HERSELF. So I thought it would be easier for her if she left the tray ATTENDED at the metal bars so we could slide the trays along the counter. So, Man A and Man B were chit-chatting and they DID NOT EVEN TURN TO LOOK AT US. Man A just freaking extended his hand BACKWARDS and TOOK OUR TRAY.
EXCUSE YOU?????? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT MANNERS IS?!!!?!??
I was.... just shocked? Appalled? At what happened. Since they want to pretend they can't see us right? Fine, I'll get my message across by talking to the air. So I said, out loud. I wanted everyone to hear and even better, know what the hell was going on.
"SOME people really DAMN RUDE. Don't even know what basic RESPECT and MANNERS are. Treat people like they're invisible? JOKE."
You can't fault me for being rude when THEY started being RUDE first. Fucked up attitudes. YOU PEOPLE are fucking ADULTS have you got to STOOP to such a LOW level to SNATCH SEATS and worse, TRAYS with TEENAGERS?????? Are you ill-mannered or ill-mannered? Even uneducated people know what RESPECT and MANNERS are. So who the fuck do you think you guys are? Some big shots? Even big shots have no rights to do these things okay. Gross. And once again, JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER.
We paid at the cashier and Man A kept pretending to talk to his (probably) friend with actions SO BIG it was obvious he was trying to brush his hairy arm against my face. Plus, his head was slightly tilted such that he could see me through his peripheral vision (just so you know, I may be young BUT I AM NOT DUMB) and he kept trying to brush his fucking hairy arm against my face. I didn't even flinch. I stared at him. INTENSELY. These people really. Trying too hard to test my patience. After a while he got kind of intimidated (I guess? I certainly HOPE he was) and moved his arm away. You better thank God you didn't really contacted my face or I'll bite the crap out of you.
And once again, JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER.
We went back to our seats to have our meal. I was enjoying my meal and when I looked up, woman D was staring at me and when we had that eye contact for probably a second, she hurriedly looked away. It was obvious she was staring at me because her body was angled to her (probably) friends and her head was angled to me and she was staring so intensely at me. Excuse you MISS I would honestly appreciate it if you can just EAT YOUR DAMNED FOOD at the DAMNED SEATS YOU SNATCHED FROM US and look at your damned friends instead of staring at me.
I don't understand, you stare at me for what? So, I stared back. Even when she looked away, I knew she could still see that I'm staring at her through her peripheral vision. Like I said, I may be young, but I'M NOT DUMB. I seriously don't get it. This group of people are seriously annoying. They just had to pull this trigger in me (I have really low tolerance for shit from people and I get annoyed real easily) and yeah, I kind of had to just explode. I think they really need to learn. So what if we're teenagers? Do you think you can bully teenagers and get away with it? It's not justified. AT ALL. So, I got really pissed off and I said again, out loud:
"Some people really have to learn to EAT instead of STARE at others. It's so so so SO DAMN RUDE."
Goodness. I would've directly said what I said in their face it they didn't treat me as invisible. RUDE RUDE RUDE SO RUDE.
So what if you've got THICK eyeliner on? Yeah, you DID look fierce when you stared at me but your reasoning all went wrong THAT is why I could stare back at you and what? You look away. You really think you can bully kids huh?
So yes, that's the end of the story. What I want to bring across is, that people seriously have to LEARN to not be so rude and RESPECT others okay. So what if you're older by age? Age is MERELY a number. It doesn't signify ANYTHING at all. NOT even maturity. YOU don't take respect for granted. You freaking EARN it all right. Respect is a MUTUAL thing. You don't deserve MY respect.
What makes you so special? Hang your head up so high? Just because we're teenagers, you try to take advantage of us? Is that even justified? If today, WE are NOT teenagers, I honestly doubt you'll do that. You OUGHT to be ASHAMED of your actions because they're one of CHILDISH and DISRESPECTFUL.
Want to bully young people? I sought you to THINK TWICE.
Oh, what a day.
Went to USS with Estella today. It's been a great time though it was raining. Second year celebrating Christmas with this dear girl.
Last year, we celebrated Christmas on 24th December in Everland, Korea, with snow.
This year, we celebrated Christmas on 13th December in USS, Singapore, with rain.
Thank you so much for today girl. It's been 10 years since we've known each other and it's really a blessing to have you as a friend!
All was well. Except something that happened. Yes, as you may have guessed, this is gonna be the bulk of this entry. I'm touching on basic courtesy today.
Basic courtesy- what preschool teachers teach preschoolers. What parents teach their children. What people expect of one another. And sadly, what most people are lacking. As many would expect people in a highly developed country would behave- respectful, courteous and polite- reality often prove that this is not the case. There's always two sides to a story and what happened earlier today (wait it's 12.25AM, 14th December now so let me correct myself- yesterday), really grossed me out. Disgusting.
People often say, "Maturity doesn't come with age". Bingo man. I can't agree enough. So, let me give you a detailed write up on what exactly happened. However, to prevent unnecessary complications, I'll just call the people involved in the "conflict" A, B, C and D (MIDDLE-AGED ADULTS) (except for me and Estella).
Yes. I'm that pissed off I have to type this entry at 12+AM. If not I can't sleep. Trust me, I am THAT annoyed.
So, it was raining rather heavily and we decided that we want to have an early dinner. We went into this restaurant in USS, and it was really packed and there were no seats at all. So, Estella suggested that I queued up for the food while she searched for seats. I agreed and everything went on as planned. All was good.
About 5 minutes later, I noticed a family of 4 to my left were about to be done with their meal so I signalled for Estella to come over to wait by that table and she did. It was about 3 minutes later when I noticed these 3 people- Man A, Man B and Woman C, chatting loudly in a foreign language which I can't understand. Promptly after which, Woman C walked over to the other end of the table Estella was waiting by. Estella and I looked at each other, puzzled.
So, this kid (part of the family of 4) got out of his sit and Woman C hurriedly put her wallet on the table. Mind you, the family wasn't even done. The kid merely stood up first. How rude. Fine. It was obvious she was trying to snatch the table. So be it. Estella looked at me, puzzled and I just said out loud, "WE found this table FIRST so we're gonna take it.". Woman C shot me a look. But wait a minute, do I look like a care?!? Like hello I found the table first you should've known better than to try take the table from me? WORSE still, you didn't even ask for my permission to probably, SHARE the table. Rude.
When the family of 4 finally stood up to leave, Estella put her stuff on the chair nearer to us and separated the tables. It's logical- there's only two of us, me and Estella. We only need a table and TWO chairs yes. I'm CONFIDENT I'm NOT INVISIBLE yeah? We're already being kind by separating the tables and leaving TWO god damned seats for you okay. Just when we thought all was fine, Woman D came about and dragged the chair from our table to hers. I shot her a look. I couldn't be bothered any more since she wants to be this rude and annoying right? So, I just said, "I think it's obvious we need TWO chairs right?". What I said rendered her speechless and powerless so she had no choice but to return us the chair. Once again. JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER.
Woman: /talking to Estella/ Hey do you mind if you guys just shift to the table over there we found two seats. /vaguely points to some table/ ((SHE DIDN'T EVEN LEAVE THE FREAKING TABLE AND CLAIMED SHE FOUND TWO SEATS)) ((Do you really think we're dumbfucks?))
Estella: /looks at me, searching my face for answers/
Me: (since she wasn't directly talking to me) Ask her, if the seats are AVAILABLE.
Woman: There are seats over there. (THERE WERE NO TABLES THAT WERE EMPTY)
Me: Ask her, ARE THE SEATS AVAILABLE.
Woman: There are seats there there /points vaguely/
Me: (getting fired up) No. ARE THE SEATS EVEN AVAILABLE?
Woman was left with no choice so she went over to this pair of mother and daughter who were sitting at a table with two empty seats if the seats were actually available. I guess the mother was watching us throughout the entire "conflict" and she said yes that the seats were available. Fine. We move. Big deal? As long as we all have seats and everybody's happy right? Once again, JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER.
Approaching the counter, I asked Estella if she wanted to get trays so it'll be easier to carry our food. She said okay and went ahead to take TWO trays- one for ME and one for HERSELF. So I thought it would be easier for her if she left the tray ATTENDED at the metal bars so we could slide the trays along the counter. So, Man A and Man B were chit-chatting and they DID NOT EVEN TURN TO LOOK AT US. Man A just freaking extended his hand BACKWARDS and TOOK OUR TRAY.
EXCUSE YOU?????? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT MANNERS IS?!!!?!??
I was.... just shocked? Appalled? At what happened. Since they want to pretend they can't see us right? Fine, I'll get my message across by talking to the air. So I said, out loud. I wanted everyone to hear and even better, know what the hell was going on.
"SOME people really DAMN RUDE. Don't even know what basic RESPECT and MANNERS are. Treat people like they're invisible? JOKE."
You can't fault me for being rude when THEY started being RUDE first. Fucked up attitudes. YOU PEOPLE are fucking ADULTS have you got to STOOP to such a LOW level to SNATCH SEATS and worse, TRAYS with TEENAGERS?????? Are you ill-mannered or ill-mannered? Even uneducated people know what RESPECT and MANNERS are. So who the fuck do you think you guys are? Some big shots? Even big shots have no rights to do these things okay. Gross. And once again, JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER.
We paid at the cashier and Man A kept pretending to talk to his (probably) friend with actions SO BIG it was obvious he was trying to brush his hairy arm against my face. Plus, his head was slightly tilted such that he could see me through his peripheral vision (just so you know, I may be young BUT I AM NOT DUMB) and he kept trying to brush his fucking hairy arm against my face. I didn't even flinch. I stared at him. INTENSELY. These people really. Trying too hard to test my patience. After a while he got kind of intimidated (I guess? I certainly HOPE he was) and moved his arm away. You better thank God you didn't really contacted my face or I'll bite the crap out of you.
And once again, JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER.
We went back to our seats to have our meal. I was enjoying my meal and when I looked up, woman D was staring at me and when we had that eye contact for probably a second, she hurriedly looked away. It was obvious she was staring at me because her body was angled to her (probably) friends and her head was angled to me and she was staring so intensely at me. Excuse you MISS I would honestly appreciate it if you can just EAT YOUR DAMNED FOOD at the DAMNED SEATS YOU SNATCHED FROM US and look at your damned friends instead of staring at me.
I don't understand, you stare at me for what? So, I stared back. Even when she looked away, I knew she could still see that I'm staring at her through her peripheral vision. Like I said, I may be young, but I'M NOT DUMB. I seriously don't get it. This group of people are seriously annoying. They just had to pull this trigger in me (I have really low tolerance for shit from people and I get annoyed real easily) and yeah, I kind of had to just explode. I think they really need to learn. So what if we're teenagers? Do you think you can bully teenagers and get away with it? It's not justified. AT ALL. So, I got really pissed off and I said again, out loud:
"Some people really have to learn to EAT instead of STARE at others. It's so so so SO DAMN RUDE."
Goodness. I would've directly said what I said in their face it they didn't treat me as invisible. RUDE RUDE RUDE SO RUDE.
So what if you've got THICK eyeliner on? Yeah, you DID look fierce when you stared at me but your reasoning all went wrong THAT is why I could stare back at you and what? You look away. You really think you can bully kids huh?
So yes, that's the end of the story. What I want to bring across is, that people seriously have to LEARN to not be so rude and RESPECT others okay. So what if you're older by age? Age is MERELY a number. It doesn't signify ANYTHING at all. NOT even maturity. YOU don't take respect for granted. You freaking EARN it all right. Respect is a MUTUAL thing. You don't deserve MY respect.
What makes you so special? Hang your head up so high? Just because we're teenagers, you try to take advantage of us? Is that even justified? If today, WE are NOT teenagers, I honestly doubt you'll do that. You OUGHT to be ASHAMED of your actions because they're one of CHILDISH and DISRESPECTFUL.
Want to bully young people? I sought you to THINK TWICE.
Oh, what a day.
Sunday, November 16, 2014
It Will Rain
Rain.
Sums up my thoughts and feelings right now.
Facing out of the window, watching as the rain falls to hit the cold hard ground.
Leaning against the wall for support.
But in it, I can't find strength.
Sometimes, it's like when you already know that you'll fall flat in your face, but you still want to hold on to that 0.00001% glimmer of hope.
And when that glimmer of hope disappears into thin air- that's when you lose everything.
And that's when you lose yourself.
If only things are as simple as you think it is going to be.
Sums up my thoughts and feelings right now.
Facing out of the window, watching as the rain falls to hit the cold hard ground.
Leaning against the wall for support.
But in it, I can't find strength.
Sometimes, it's like when you already know that you'll fall flat in your face, but you still want to hold on to that 0.00001% glimmer of hope.
And when that glimmer of hope disappears into thin air- that's when you lose everything.
And that's when you lose yourself.
If only things are as simple as you think it is going to be.
Sunday, October 26, 2014
Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. Have you ever felt so numb that you don't even bother if people misunderstand you? Sometimes, what you see and what you hear aren't necessarily true. I hate it when people don't clarify things and jump into conclusions.
Sometimes, things you do may not appear nice. But your intentions are well; you mean well. You want to protect somebody but no, you don't think it's necessary for them to know. And there here they come, jumping into conclusions that you're trying to get them into trouble and shit. It really pains me.
I meant well.
But no, you don't have to know.
Because even if you do, nothing is gonna change.
Just take it as that you've never known a person like me.
You can say anything and everything you want about me.
But all I have to say to you is: no, you don't know me.
& it fucking hurts.
Sometimes, things you do may not appear nice. But your intentions are well; you mean well. You want to protect somebody but no, you don't think it's necessary for them to know. And there here they come, jumping into conclusions that you're trying to get them into trouble and shit. It really pains me.
I meant well.
But no, you don't have to know.
Because even if you do, nothing is gonna change.
Just take it as that you've never known a person like me.
You can say anything and everything you want about me.
But all I have to say to you is: no, you don't know me.
& it fucking hurts.
Friday, October 17, 2014
Group Work Woes
Have you ever met people who don't contribute much to assigned group tasks? It's just so, so annoying when you're the one doing everything, putting in all the effort. What makes things worse? Unappreciative people. That's the worst of the worst. If you're already affected by the first 5 sentences, I suggest you to just exit this page because this post's probably ain't for you.
No doubt at times, I'm really annoyed. Just FYI, I'm just talking about all the group work I've done so far for the entire 17 years of my life; I have no intention of arrowing this blog post to anyone. If you're affected by this post, it just means that you're probably the slacker in your group. That is my assumption though. No offence.
I do express my annoyance at times, when I'm really extremely annoyed or when people just get past my line. But I rarely or never, if circumstances allow, complain to relevant authorities which in this case, refer to the teachers. Well, true that the more things I do, the more taxing it's gonna be on me, be it physically, mentally or whatsoever. But in the end, it's gonna benefit me anyway. It's true that results matter, but results is one thing; process is yet another. Yes, you get the easy way out now, but it's not gonna benefit you in the long run. In fact, you'll suffer in the long run. Because you don't even know what the taste of success is like. You know the AFTER TASTE, not the taste of the process. You won't know what hardship is all about; all the struggles and shit. You don't grow. You don't understand failure. You'll remain stagnant and eventually, you'll just get disqualified by the society. So if you think you're enjoying success, think again. You probably just got yourself into deep shit.
A wise man once said "No pain, no gain.". How true. An individual who doesn't know the pain of achieving success, will never taste the true sweetness of success. Because no blood, sweat and tears of that individual is involved in any way. Simply said, he just can't enjoy success as much as one who puts in effort.
I've always believed that people who put in effort will prevail over those who don't. Those who put in the effort will eventually get somewhere; it's just a matter of time. So if you're putting in effort and feel like you're going nowhere, don't ever give up. You'll find people who appreciate you and you'll eventually get somewhere. You might be just wondering now but hey, not all who wanders are lost.
Well, all that I've shared above are just based on some of my personal experiences. You might be thinking: so how do you handle slackers in the group? Well, it's simple. (DISCLAIMER: these tips might or might not work for you because it's based on my personal experiences so follow at your own risk!)
1) Keep a cool head- you wouldn't want everything to get to your head because the next thing you know, you'll just blow up and everything will become a mess. Our objective now is to solve the problem with minimal casualties; not create more problems and even more casualties.
2) BREATHE! - Chill man. Breathe and let the blood flow to your brain so you'll have clearer thoughts.
3) Think before you speak! - You wouldn't want to just blurt everything out at that person/ group of people. Tackle problems with an objective in mind: what is it that you want out of this confrontation? Hedge your words. You wouldn't want to appear too offensive. Do not forget that you probably have to do group work with that very same person or group of people again in the future. Try to minimise hurt to the relationship!
4) Talk it out - reason out (in a nice way of course) with the person or people involved. Just let loose a little and speak in a way you'll speak to your friends when you're asking for an advice or talking about a problem you're facing. Try to not be too harsh though.
If nothing works then I guess you can either:
1) Ignore the person or group of people and just do without them; they're gonna lose out anyway. Yes it may be taxing on you but if you survive it, you'll emerge stronger and better.
2) Tell a trusted friend. It always works. Friends are the best supporters.
So yeah just some tips. Hope it'll help! Have a great day folks and I'll see you soon!
No doubt at times, I'm really annoyed. Just FYI, I'm just talking about all the group work I've done so far for the entire 17 years of my life; I have no intention of arrowing this blog post to anyone. If you're affected by this post, it just means that you're probably the slacker in your group. That is my assumption though. No offence.
I do express my annoyance at times, when I'm really extremely annoyed or when people just get past my line. But I rarely or never, if circumstances allow, complain to relevant authorities which in this case, refer to the teachers. Well, true that the more things I do, the more taxing it's gonna be on me, be it physically, mentally or whatsoever. But in the end, it's gonna benefit me anyway. It's true that results matter, but results is one thing; process is yet another. Yes, you get the easy way out now, but it's not gonna benefit you in the long run. In fact, you'll suffer in the long run. Because you don't even know what the taste of success is like. You know the AFTER TASTE, not the taste of the process. You won't know what hardship is all about; all the struggles and shit. You don't grow. You don't understand failure. You'll remain stagnant and eventually, you'll just get disqualified by the society. So if you think you're enjoying success, think again. You probably just got yourself into deep shit.
A wise man once said "No pain, no gain.". How true. An individual who doesn't know the pain of achieving success, will never taste the true sweetness of success. Because no blood, sweat and tears of that individual is involved in any way. Simply said, he just can't enjoy success as much as one who puts in effort.
I've always believed that people who put in effort will prevail over those who don't. Those who put in the effort will eventually get somewhere; it's just a matter of time. So if you're putting in effort and feel like you're going nowhere, don't ever give up. You'll find people who appreciate you and you'll eventually get somewhere. You might be just wondering now but hey, not all who wanders are lost.
Well, all that I've shared above are just based on some of my personal experiences. You might be thinking: so how do you handle slackers in the group? Well, it's simple. (DISCLAIMER: these tips might or might not work for you because it's based on my personal experiences so follow at your own risk!)
1) Keep a cool head- you wouldn't want everything to get to your head because the next thing you know, you'll just blow up and everything will become a mess. Our objective now is to solve the problem with minimal casualties; not create more problems and even more casualties.
2) BREATHE! - Chill man. Breathe and let the blood flow to your brain so you'll have clearer thoughts.
3) Think before you speak! - You wouldn't want to just blurt everything out at that person/ group of people. Tackle problems with an objective in mind: what is it that you want out of this confrontation? Hedge your words. You wouldn't want to appear too offensive. Do not forget that you probably have to do group work with that very same person or group of people again in the future. Try to minimise hurt to the relationship!
4) Talk it out - reason out (in a nice way of course) with the person or people involved. Just let loose a little and speak in a way you'll speak to your friends when you're asking for an advice or talking about a problem you're facing. Try to not be too harsh though.
If nothing works then I guess you can either:
1) Ignore the person or group of people and just do without them; they're gonna lose out anyway. Yes it may be taxing on you but if you survive it, you'll emerge stronger and better.
2) Tell a trusted friend. It always works. Friends are the best supporters.
So yeah just some tips. Hope it'll help! Have a great day folks and I'll see you soon!
Saturday, October 4, 2014
Thoughts
"You've changed"- sounds familiar? That's a line agreed by many but me. I personally feel that people don't actually change; they just shed a layer of their skin every time something happens. It just brings us all a little closer to the core of the person; the true side of the person.
It's like as I grow older, I start to understand the true meaning to quality>quantity. Honestly, the number of friends you have don't matter. What matters is the quality of the friends you have. Because you may be sitting in a room full of people and still feel lonely. Friends that make you feel this way ain't quality friends. They're just like seasons because they never stay for long.
It's been a rather hectic time for me because of this major examination called Promotional Examinations. Stresses people up big time and well, what could I say? Part and parcel of life maybe? The stress is so immense that I suffered a breakout recently. Last paper next Tuesday but hey let me take a short break yeah!
Made some new friends yesterday. Yesterday was so good. I haven't laughed this way and been this crazy for a while already. I was so high I couldn't even sleep at night so yeah... I'm actually quite sleepy now to be frank. But I can't take a nap because I won't be able to sleep at night again.
Alright that's about all I have for today folks!
Have a great weekend!
It's like as I grow older, I start to understand the true meaning to quality>quantity. Honestly, the number of friends you have don't matter. What matters is the quality of the friends you have. Because you may be sitting in a room full of people and still feel lonely. Friends that make you feel this way ain't quality friends. They're just like seasons because they never stay for long.
It's been a rather hectic time for me because of this major examination called Promotional Examinations. Stresses people up big time and well, what could I say? Part and parcel of life maybe? The stress is so immense that I suffered a breakout recently. Last paper next Tuesday but hey let me take a short break yeah!
Made some new friends yesterday. Yesterday was so good. I haven't laughed this way and been this crazy for a while already. I was so high I couldn't even sleep at night so yeah... I'm actually quite sleepy now to be frank. But I can't take a nap because I won't be able to sleep at night again.
Alright that's about all I have for today folks!
Have a great weekend!
Friday, September 5, 2014
Words
As most of my readers (if I even have any to start with) may know by now, I blog only when I have the feel to. It's been quite a while since my last post dated on 5th July. Well, I guess many don't know about this but I blog to express PERSONAL views; you may or may not agree with it but they are MY views. I like to phrase things in a general way, like it or not. If, by chance, after reading my blog entries, you feel that I'm talking about you, it just means that you're guilty of the topic discussed. Please do not have the idea that I'm "targeting" you in a way or another.
So yeah. Words. A powerful weapon; it can heal and it can kill. I often wonder how such a small thing- words- can have such a large impact. Used correctly, it can heal wounds and make everything better. Used wrongly, it can hurt and even kill someone. Words can get the agreement and acknowledgement from a group of people and yet the very same words can cause upheavals and uproars. Amazing.
We often speak or type or write without much thought. Personal experiences tell me: do not speak or write or type ANYTHING when you are angry. When you're angry, everything just gets into your head and bang. Everything comes. Usually, the outcome wouldn't be too desirable.
Time after time, we've been constantly reminded to think before we speak, to think before we post anything on social media and all. We often think that it's something so trivial that we keep close to our hearts and deep in our minds, that we subconsciously disregard.
Yes, some people may feel that they should just say whatever's on their minds; be straightforward. Don't beat around the bush. Question: how often are you 100% sure that whatever that's on your mind's correct? Yeah no doubt, being straightforward and genuine is an admirable quality. But will the outcomes really be desirable? Half the time, no.
I'm just a typical human being; I don't tell you what's right and what's wrong. Like I've mentioned earlier, it's my personal views. You may agree and you may not agree. Whatever the case, I just blog with the hope to probably open the minds of some of my readers so that they can perhaps see the perspectives of other people.
Having said all those, I just wanna share some tips. For instance, when you get caught up in something that you perhaps aren't very happy about, don't jump straight into blaming others. You may consider to first analyse the problem. Ask yourself questions like "why is this happening?", "am I in the wrong/" or something of sort. That being said, you should at least be honest, genuine and truthful to yourself. If you can't even be honest, genuine and truthful to yourself, I really don't know how you can treat others genuinely? Answer those questions honestly.
These days, I've been thinking a lot on the effects of words to the extent I feel old. I guess tough times really do change people's thoughts?
I would just like to end this entry with a quote on this bookmark I've received from a classmate of mine, Yvonne. It says:
Life is a never-ending journey. You never know what's up ahead. There's always gonna be another mountain; it's always gonna be an uphill battle and sometimes you're just gonna have to lose. But you just have to keep moving forward; have faith. You'll definitely make it. Keep going; RESILIENCE is KEY.
Bless you my readers! Have a great weekend!
So yeah. Words. A powerful weapon; it can heal and it can kill. I often wonder how such a small thing- words- can have such a large impact. Used correctly, it can heal wounds and make everything better. Used wrongly, it can hurt and even kill someone. Words can get the agreement and acknowledgement from a group of people and yet the very same words can cause upheavals and uproars. Amazing.
We often speak or type or write without much thought. Personal experiences tell me: do not speak or write or type ANYTHING when you are angry. When you're angry, everything just gets into your head and bang. Everything comes. Usually, the outcome wouldn't be too desirable.
Time after time, we've been constantly reminded to think before we speak, to think before we post anything on social media and all. We often think that it's something so trivial that we keep close to our hearts and deep in our minds, that we subconsciously disregard.
Yes, some people may feel that they should just say whatever's on their minds; be straightforward. Don't beat around the bush. Question: how often are you 100% sure that whatever that's on your mind's correct? Yeah no doubt, being straightforward and genuine is an admirable quality. But will the outcomes really be desirable? Half the time, no.
I'm just a typical human being; I don't tell you what's right and what's wrong. Like I've mentioned earlier, it's my personal views. You may agree and you may not agree. Whatever the case, I just blog with the hope to probably open the minds of some of my readers so that they can perhaps see the perspectives of other people.
Having said all those, I just wanna share some tips. For instance, when you get caught up in something that you perhaps aren't very happy about, don't jump straight into blaming others. You may consider to first analyse the problem. Ask yourself questions like "why is this happening?", "am I in the wrong/" or something of sort. That being said, you should at least be honest, genuine and truthful to yourself. If you can't even be honest, genuine and truthful to yourself, I really don't know how you can treat others genuinely? Answer those questions honestly.
These days, I've been thinking a lot on the effects of words to the extent I feel old. I guess tough times really do change people's thoughts?
I would just like to end this entry with a quote on this bookmark I've received from a classmate of mine, Yvonne. It says:
"Don't worry. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Anonymous
Life is a never-ending journey. You never know what's up ahead. There's always gonna be another mountain; it's always gonna be an uphill battle and sometimes you're just gonna have to lose. But you just have to keep moving forward; have faith. You'll definitely make it. Keep going; RESILIENCE is KEY.
Bless you my readers! Have a great weekend!
Tuesday, May 13, 2014
Keep Things Simple
What could I say?
This is precisely why I have trust issues. It's like every single time I decide to open up, something's bound to happen. It just feels like history's repeating itself over and over again, countless times.
I don't really understand why but as much as I understand, that is it.
Well, that aside, my life can totally be summed up using one word- stress. Lectures after tutorials after assignments, tests and projects and shit. I don't really know what I want anymore.
Aimless.
This is precisely why I have trust issues. It's like every single time I decide to open up, something's bound to happen. It just feels like history's repeating itself over and over again, countless times.
I don't really understand why but as much as I understand, that is it.
Well, that aside, my life can totally be summed up using one word- stress. Lectures after tutorials after assignments, tests and projects and shit. I don't really know what I want anymore.
Aimless.
Friday, March 28, 2014
Priorities
I asked myself a few days back, when I was down, "What are your priorities in life?". I stumbled upon sudden realisation that I was so engrossed with whatever I was doing that I wasn't even focusing on my priorities.
Life is like a piece of artwork. You control how this masterpiece of yours is gonna turn out- no one else has control over it. For instance, when something bad happens, you have 2 options: pick yourself up and keep moving on, or drown yourself in your own sorrows.
It may have been wrong of me to react the way I reacted, but I am only human. I have feelings too. In the very first place, did you even spare a thought for me? No you didn't. I probably know the rationale behind your actions but hey, that isn't the way you get things going man. It hurts. I'm telling you it hurts. You probably won't even see this but I felt real hurt.
Some people say, people can only hurt you if you "allow" them to. Nope, I certainly don't agree with that. It's more of like, the way people bring their "idea" across? I don't know but I'm not hurt because you even mean something to me. It's more like the way you're trying to convey your message to me. I understand, I really do. But I need time. I'm not a machine; I'm not a robot. I am only human. I have feelings, I have tears. I have a heart and I can feel. You can't just program me and *poof* I don't feel a thing. I really hate to say this but I really regretted. This is like even worse than what happened 2 years ago but whatever. Like I always say, what's meant to be will be; what's not meant to be will never be.
People come and go; they're either a lesson or a blessing.
Alright, moving on!
I'm so glad I've survived initiation with my fellow TRUG team mates! FYI, TRUG = Touch Rugby. And yes, I love them to bits! I'm so in love with my TRUG shirt and it's like soooooo pretty I swear. TEAM NYJC TRUG let's go! Hehe.
Oh yes, CCA aside... Life's god damn stressful. I don't know how I'm gonna survive this but I'm gonna figure a way somehow! As ridiculous as it may sound but, studying's really starting to take a toll on me. I'm real tired I don't know? Fell sick (ok actually I'm still quite sick) and life kinda sucks but I'm glad to say that there're always friends and my TRUG girls who'll be there to make everything so much better!
Right, that's all folks. A rather abrupt ending but hey I just made it less abrupt ok haha sorry for the lameness ciao!
Life is like a piece of artwork. You control how this masterpiece of yours is gonna turn out- no one else has control over it. For instance, when something bad happens, you have 2 options: pick yourself up and keep moving on, or drown yourself in your own sorrows.
It may have been wrong of me to react the way I reacted, but I am only human. I have feelings too. In the very first place, did you even spare a thought for me? No you didn't. I probably know the rationale behind your actions but hey, that isn't the way you get things going man. It hurts. I'm telling you it hurts. You probably won't even see this but I felt real hurt.
Some people say, people can only hurt you if you "allow" them to. Nope, I certainly don't agree with that. It's more of like, the way people bring their "idea" across? I don't know but I'm not hurt because you even mean something to me. It's more like the way you're trying to convey your message to me. I understand, I really do. But I need time. I'm not a machine; I'm not a robot. I am only human. I have feelings, I have tears. I have a heart and I can feel. You can't just program me and *poof* I don't feel a thing. I really hate to say this but I really regretted. This is like even worse than what happened 2 years ago but whatever. Like I always say, what's meant to be will be; what's not meant to be will never be.
People come and go; they're either a lesson or a blessing.
Alright, moving on!
I'm so glad I've survived initiation with my fellow TRUG team mates! FYI, TRUG = Touch Rugby. And yes, I love them to bits! I'm so in love with my TRUG shirt and it's like soooooo pretty I swear. TEAM NYJC TRUG let's go! Hehe.
Oh yes, CCA aside... Life's god damn stressful. I don't know how I'm gonna survive this but I'm gonna figure a way somehow! As ridiculous as it may sound but, studying's really starting to take a toll on me. I'm real tired I don't know? Fell sick (ok actually I'm still quite sick) and life kinda sucks but I'm glad to say that there're always friends and my TRUG girls who'll be there to make everything so much better!
Right, that's all folks. A rather abrupt ending but hey I just made it less abrupt ok haha sorry for the lameness ciao!
你从来都不曾在乎我的感受,
Saturday, January 25, 2014
I'd Lie
Spent the whole day out with my mum today. There really ain't much to do these days. To make things worse, I NEED to keep myself occupied so that my mind won't float too far away and think of all the unnecessary things that will cause me to feel all down and out again. All those negative feelings just won't stop bugging me. I'm so exhausted, mentally. But this time, it's not like the answers aren't there. The answers themselves, they are there. It's just that maybe I can't accept them yet I guess? Maybe I'm just not good enough. It's not like I don't know what to do next. I know EXACTLY what I have to do but I just can't seem to do it.
I honestly can't wait for school to start. Once school starts, I'll be busy with school and I doubt I'll have the time to "think excessively".
Argh, forget it. Some pictures to fill up the spaces..
I just feel really lost at times. What you're doing now- it's making me miss you even more. I'm sorry that I've overestimated myself once again. I THOUGHT I could do it, without you.
& if they ask me if I love you, I'd Lie.
Saturday, January 18, 2014
Words Left Unsaid
It's been some time, folks. To be brutally honest, I didn't have the mood to blog. I wonder why I even started blogging. I started blogging way back in time, when I was still in primary school. Well of course, the content of the blog posts were... literally, shit.
Holidays. Long holidays. Well, I went to Korea again. Certainly, many things aren't the same anymore. I didn't visit all the same places and even if I did, those places changed rather significantly. Went to Jeju island, Gwangju and Seoul and the experiences were great. Breathtaking views of Mother Nature on the mountains, picking tangerines in tangerine farms, playing on super exciting rides that gives people adrenaline rushes and of course, I've met new friends and I count myself really lucky because all the teenagers are of about the same age, ranging from 13 to 19 years of age. The best thing was that we clicked real well and the 10 days in Korea and Shanghai went by in the blink of an eye.
Never have I thought that there'll be no turning back. I thought I was strong enough and disciplined enough to back off. But oh well. Seems like I was wrong. I shouldn't regret what I've done and all but I'm sincere in what I do and say. Everything's real.
I'm in need of a miracle.
I'm waiting for a miracle to happen.
Holidays. Long holidays. Well, I went to Korea again. Certainly, many things aren't the same anymore. I didn't visit all the same places and even if I did, those places changed rather significantly. Went to Jeju island, Gwangju and Seoul and the experiences were great. Breathtaking views of Mother Nature on the mountains, picking tangerines in tangerine farms, playing on super exciting rides that gives people adrenaline rushes and of course, I've met new friends and I count myself really lucky because all the teenagers are of about the same age, ranging from 13 to 19 years of age. The best thing was that we clicked real well and the 10 days in Korea and Shanghai went by in the blink of an eye.
Never have I thought that there'll be no turning back. I thought I was strong enough and disciplined enough to back off. But oh well. Seems like I was wrong. I shouldn't regret what I've done and all but I'm sincere in what I do and say. Everything's real.
I'm in need of a miracle.
I'm waiting for a miracle to happen.
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Down
Been kind of down these few days, but I'm positive that things'll be different soon. Real soon.. I always give myself "deadlines" to meet. On one perspective, it's constantly stressing myself out. However, on another note, it's simply giving myself certain restrictions- good or bad, no one knows. For all I know, I can be restricting myself from immersing into more misery.
It was a good, carefree six months. I really hate this, but I'm only human. Powerless against all these.. natural phenomenon kind of thing. Emotions can be controlled, but feelings can't. How true.
I've always thought that heavy metal music was nonsense. I didn't know how to appreciate heavy metal music until recently. Avenged Sevenfold is a real inspiring band. My favourite song by them is So Far Away though.
I'm pretty sure I can get over this. After all, so much have happened. I know myself deep down, that this isn't possible. The thing about being a realist, that is. Other than this, the holidays have been quite an eventful one (excluding today) because of all the activities.
I would pretty much call today a special day. Not that today means anything special to me.. It's just that the date is kind of.. cool. I mean, how many 11/12/13s would there be? But again, it's a planless day so yeah, not so special after all.
I need to breathe.
It was a good, carefree six months. I really hate this, but I'm only human. Powerless against all these.. natural phenomenon kind of thing. Emotions can be controlled, but feelings can't. How true.
I've always thought that heavy metal music was nonsense. I didn't know how to appreciate heavy metal music until recently. Avenged Sevenfold is a real inspiring band. My favourite song by them is So Far Away though.
I'm pretty sure I can get over this. After all, so much have happened. I know myself deep down, that this isn't possible. The thing about being a realist, that is. Other than this, the holidays have been quite an eventful one (excluding today) because of all the activities.
I would pretty much call today a special day. Not that today means anything special to me.. It's just that the date is kind of.. cool. I mean, how many 11/12/13s would there be? But again, it's a planless day so yeah, not so special after all.
I need to breathe.
Friday, December 6, 2013
Blend
Oh, what a title! Blend? Yes, blend. I just feel well, kind of grouchy? I don't know. Honestly, what's this feeling that I'm feeling right now? The only thing I know is that I hate this feeling that I'm feeling and that's all.
People often say, "Truth Hurts". I know that. Some years ago, I experienced what people meant by "Truth Hurts" and the sucky thing now is that I'm experiencing it again? Somewhat. I'm confused. But there's something that I'm sure of: you don't feel the same.
Ok well, there's no point for a super long post. I have no idea what I'm doing for the whole of today. I'm totally.. blur today. Like heck, am I even awake? I feel so tired, grouchy and empty for no apparent reason. Literally feeling like shit.
But alas, I still believe that tomorrow'll be better!
People often say, "Truth Hurts". I know that. Some years ago, I experienced what people meant by "Truth Hurts" and the sucky thing now is that I'm experiencing it again? Somewhat. I'm confused. But there's something that I'm sure of: you don't feel the same.
Ok well, there's no point for a super long post. I have no idea what I'm doing for the whole of today. I'm totally.. blur today. Like heck, am I even awake? I feel so tired, grouchy and empty for no apparent reason. Literally feeling like shit.
But alas, I still believe that tomorrow'll be better!
Friday, November 8, 2013
Study Break
7 more days to official freedom. 2 more MCQ papers to go and I'm FREE. It's kind of a long study break for me, compared to most people. Took much time to think through about life. My life. Everything about my life. Well, I guess and hope it isn't too late to see and realise things I didn't want to or never realised in the past. There're always reason to why I do certain things. Distancing myself away is one. I just wanted a clearer picture of all that's happening. Nobody really gives a damn about me actually. Not like I do but oh whatever, not like it concerns me- not anymore. Right now, my life's just like:
Got a new laptop. It's such a babe I swear. ASUS Republic of Gamers- probably one of the best laptops I've ever owned. It's black, baby! So cool and it even comes with a free gaming mouse! Not like I'm a heavy gamer or whatever but I mean it seriously is COOL. The sound system's good and everything about it is just so awesome.. for now, that is.
To be honest, I don't really have much to blog about right now. I'm quite "disconnected" with the outside world and I'm just like living in a world of my own. Kind of like it though. That's all for now.
I DON'T ACTUALLY GIVE A DAMN.
To be honest, I don't really have much to blog about right now. I'm quite "disconnected" with the outside world and I'm just like living in a world of my own. Kind of like it though. That's all for now.
Friday, October 11, 2013
Mixed Feelings
11th October 2013 marks the last official day of my secondary school life. We'll be going off for our study leave and today's the last day we greet our teachers in a classroom setting. Ahh, mixed feelings I have about this. As much as I want to graduate, a part of me wants to be with this class for a little more time. No doubt, 4E1 may not be the best class ever. I have to admit that I didn't like the class in Sec 3, but as we get together more often, I started to see the good of this class. We grew so much together and I'm glad to say everyone's grown to be more mature. It's all the little things and insults we give one another that makes 4E1, 4E1. From dropping metal rulers on the ground and roaring Khairul's name as a class to calling Darren polarbaby69, to saying "calcium" as "calshium", etc. All these are memories made. I started to love this class more and more as the days go by.
Now that we're graduating, it's like I've stumbled upon realisation that this class is actually better than I thought. Although we started out to be kind of segregated, having many cliques of people in class, I'm glad to say we've more or less bonded as one. I'm certain that someday, ten or twenty years down the road, I'll eventually turn back and say "man, I miss my secondary school days!".
Class party today is probably the best class party I've ever had in my 4 years in HS. Thank you so much to Mrs Goh and Mdm Tan who treated us to so many boxes of pizzas, chicken wings and so many bottles of drinks.. I'm really blessed to have such wonderful and motherly CCs and I'll definitely miss you, teachers!
Stayed back for extra long to ask Ms Toh questions today. The queue was short, to be honest. Just me, Kenneth, Kimberly and Darren, but we took up over an hour just to ask questions. I'm really glad to have such awesome teachers who'll go the extra mile for us and not forgetting the super cute Mdm Zuraidah who stuck a post it saying "For my 4E1 Bio Babies". All these memories are memories I'll never want to forget.
18th October 2013 is graduation day- the last day we'll come together as a cohort. I'll miss every single detail- good or bad- in secondary school. HS was my 1st choice then and I'm proud to say that I've never regretted my choice.
Once a Hougean, forever a Hougean.
Saturday, October 5, 2013
Words
Words- they can heal and they can hurt- are probably what people refer to as the most powerful weapon till date. Yeah, I'm taking a break and I thought I'd just blog. It's funny how everyone knows that words can hurt and yet, people use words to hurt people. Be it intentionally or unintentionally, the pain is still inflicted on a certain individual. Mixed feelings, yeah. Well, I'm not saying that I always choose my words wisely and I'm not saying that I'm a saint of sort, who never ever hurt people with my words. Well, I do admit that I sometimes unintentionally hurt people with my words and I'm awfully sorry for all that I've done, but certainly... at least I apologised right? Not like I'm saying it will help a lot or whatsoever but what I really can't understand is how some people can just hurt people with their words and get on with their lives oh so easily, not even feeling a pang of guilt. I mean seriously? You've got to be kidding me. I always feel that pang of guilt in me whenever I do something wrong, until I apologise. I just wonder how people can do away with that.
I'm not referring to anyone, though. I've always believed in learning lessons the hard way. I may not be right all the time; I'm not perfect. Neither are you. We're all flawed, but that's precisely what makes us human, right? I won't deny that I was kind of sad and stuff but it's over (at least for me) and I'm not gonna brood over things like that. Rather, I thank the person for making me see my priorities in life even more clearly than I've ever seen them and I'm so glad that I've since become more reserved a person and stopped sharing my personal feelings with others. You see, for me, I feel that it's no use sharing. At the end of the day, no one's really gonna help you through anything. You've still gotta be the one pulling yourself through, which is what's gonna make you stronger. It doesn't matter, how many times you get beaten down; what matters most is, how many times you actually stand back up. Resilience is key and to all the people out there who're struggling in one way or another, break free of what's pulling you down and emerge stronger.
"How you've started the journey doesn't matter; what matters most is how you're gonna end it. Are you going to finish ot strong? The ultimate choice lies in your hands."- I'll never forget these words of wisdom.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Satisfaction
A wise man once said, "do not spoil what you have, by desiring what you have not.". No doubt, I googled the word "satisfaction". This word have been lurking around the back of mind for the whole afternoon. What exactly is satisfaction? I can't help but agree with the quote above.
The human heart can never be satisfied. Greedy, we all are. It's like once we've experienced something good in a way, we naturally expect that certain thing to always be that good. It's like there'll be this natural and invisible expectation already set. We unknowingly set expectations for ourselves.
I'm guilty of setting invisible expectations, I don't deny. I may appear as if I'm all fine at times when I don't live up to my expectations, but deep inside, I know I'm not. We all know that "guilty of setting invisible expectations" is just "greedy", being put in a nicer way. I had a rather interesting conversation of sort, with some of my friends earlier today. I'm not gonna type the whole thing out but really, I thought what they said were indeed true and worth giving them some thought. If the three of you are reading this post, yes, I take your words seriously okay! I do consider what you guys say although I may not comment much at that point of time.
Well yes, that's about satisfaction. I can go on and on, talking in depth but I'd prefer to keep it short- shorter than it originally would have been- and sweet.
On a side note, I'm feeling kind of grouchy today but I don't know why. I don't think it's because I "woke up on the wrong side of the bed" or just solely because I'm disappointed-kind of- with myself. I'm quite a complex person, I'll say. I sometimes do take quite sometime to understand myself too! I'm not schizophrenic... just simply complex... wow look! An oxymoron used! Though that's kind of green... haha!
I've always thought you were different. Hence, I reacted differently to you. Seems like I'm losing way too much faith. I'm proud to say that it's bothering me less but still, I hate it when things are left hanging.
That's about it for now I guess? Had a real long day I'm drained. Didn't even put in the effort to ensure that this post is well-written but oh, whatever!
Sunday, September 22, 2013
Realisation
I've always found it hard to express my thoughts and feelings into words. In fact, I think I have trouble expressing myself. Often, I'd think: Is it just me feeling this way, or does everyone feel the same?
"A penny of your thoughts?" asked a friend one day. I never liked sharing my thoughts, because I just can't seem to phrase them into sentences, no matter how hard I try. It's like whenever I open my mouth and try to say out what I'm feeling/thinking, nothing comes out. I've realised that "nothing" and "I don't know" are like the best excuses to avoiding situations- situations that I don't wish to encounter.
People come and go in life. They're either a blessing or a lesson of sort. It's crazy how people can make you feel like you're their everything this moment, and make you feel like you're absolutely nothing the next. Last night, I tweeted: Please don't come and go as you please.. Well, yes. I don't like that feeling. Especially if someone special does that. It hurts like a bitch, I swear, but there's no way I can stop people from coming and leaving as they please. Like I said, it's life. People who get into your life, they're either a blessing or a lesson. There's nothing we can do to stop them for coming into/leaving our lives.
Why am I typing all these right? Well, yeah, I think I lost somebody- somebody that actually even means something to me, but well, I don't think it's mutual. I hope I haven't lost the person though, but I'm on the verge of losing the person- I just know it.
Feeling moody all of a sudden, without a reason. I hate to admit things that I don't want to admit. I hate how vulnerable I'm feeling right now. I hate how I'm feeling right now. I hate that I'm missing somebody that I don't want to miss.
I just hope that it isn't too late to realise,
"A penny of your thoughts?" asked a friend one day. I never liked sharing my thoughts, because I just can't seem to phrase them into sentences, no matter how hard I try. It's like whenever I open my mouth and try to say out what I'm feeling/thinking, nothing comes out. I've realised that "nothing" and "I don't know" are like the best excuses to avoiding situations- situations that I don't wish to encounter.
People come and go in life. They're either a blessing or a lesson of sort. It's crazy how people can make you feel like you're their everything this moment, and make you feel like you're absolutely nothing the next. Last night, I tweeted: Please don't come and go as you please.. Well, yes. I don't like that feeling. Especially if someone special does that. It hurts like a bitch, I swear, but there's no way I can stop people from coming and leaving as they please. Like I said, it's life. People who get into your life, they're either a blessing or a lesson. There's nothing we can do to stop them for coming into/leaving our lives.
Why am I typing all these right? Well, yeah, I think I lost somebody- somebody that actually even means something to me, but well, I don't think it's mutual. I hope I haven't lost the person though, but I'm on the verge of losing the person- I just know it.
Feeling moody all of a sudden, without a reason. I hate to admit things that I don't want to admit. I hate how vulnerable I'm feeling right now. I hate how I'm feeling right now. I hate that I'm missing somebody that I don't want to miss.
I just hope that it isn't too late to realise,
Friday, September 20, 2013
State of Confusion
Confused- that's the word. Simple as it is, pretty much sums up how I'm actually feeling at this point of time. Just in case you're wondering, I'm using my cell phone to blog. I'm kinda loving this Blogger app. It's convenient and yup as I've mentioned earlier, my laptop broke down bla and bla. So yup, using my cell phone to blog. Second post of the day. I don't need to blog, but I just want to. I'm not sure if anyone will ever read my blog, but I'll still continue blogging. It's kind of like an online diary in which I share my personal, yet not-so-personal stuff with people though I'm uncertain if anyone will ever read it!
So I mentioned that I'm confused. Yeah, in fact, very confused. I have absolutely no idea why this is happening to me. I don't usually think so deep. Well yeah, I think all the time, and I tend to think a lot. No, I'm not paranoid- I'm very sure of it, but I just think a lot. I think all the time, anywhere and everywhere. But this time, something inside me tells me things are changing; it's not the same anymore. Sometimes I wonder, if I changed along the way. I personally do think that I've changed. The question is: have I changed for the better, or for the worse?
I don't open up to just anybody and everybody. If I ever open up to you, you must be a friend that I really trust and love, or someone that I have feelings for. It's simple, isn't it? I seriously think that I'm complicating things for myself. One of the many reasons why I'm starting to keep things to myself is because I don't really even see the need of confiding in people now; you don't even know who's true to you and who isn't. It's difficult to see because you don't really, and won't really know who's having a mask on and who're the ones that are really true to you.
I've realised that as I grow older, things start getting more and more complicated. I really miss how simple and innocent things used to be, although I don't really adore my childhood. I get real uneasy when people start talking about how great their childhood is, with fantasies and stuff, being showered with lots of love. Mine isn't. It's the total opposite. It's a total nightmare I totally won't want to relive, even if I'm give ten thousand dollars for. I've had one filled with memories I never want to remember. Even though I don't hold it against anyone, it's still difficult to forget. Things are just imprinted in my mind. Like it or not, it'll stay with me forever. Scarred for life maybe? It's easy to forgive, but forgetting is yet another problem. Here I am, sitting by the edge of my bed, typing this. Brings back so much unwanted memories, but no, I will never let my past define me. Yeah, what's my point of the whole damn chunk right? I'm just trying to say that even with bad memories, things were simpler- much simpler than things are right now.
Growing up was what I've always wanted. Even until now. Every single day, I pray that I can grow up faster so that I can survive on my own. I used to pray that things will keep getting better, but they never did. The nightmares never were over. They're always ever-ready to haunt me. I never wanted to be strong myself; I was forced to be strong. Whenever life throws an obstacle in front of me, I'll just overcome it. It comes so naturally now.
People have always told me that I looked very confident and proud. Guys come telling me that I look so confident that people don't even dare to approach me. I've always reacted to such comments in the same way. "I do? Really?" I'll say. Because I'm not a confident individual at all. I've got many insecurities. I know exactly why I'm so insecure, to the extent I'm slightly philophobic. I just think that I'm not good enough- that always is the case, but no, that will not be the case forever.
I'm kind of glad that today, I'm still alive and kicking. People tell me I'm a very cheerful and bubbly girl. People even tell me that they wished they were me, but hey, you don't know exactly what I've been through or what I'm going through. Becareful for what you wish for. You'll never want to be me if you truly know my story. Given a chance, I'll still want to live this life. Indeed, it haven't been too smooth a journey for me, but pain is what keeps people alive, no? I'm not sadistic I swear, but I'm contented with who I am now. I'm glad to say I haven't given up till date and I'm still fighting. "You have a personality," is what people tell me. I don't know about it man, but I stand firm in my stand that I'll just be who I am.
Off topic, you must be thinking. Nope, I've never intended to share what I'm confused over. It's so confusing I don't know how to phrase these confusing thoughts and feelings into words. Well, I'll just live with it for now I guess? Like what can I do right? And just in case if you're wondering... Nope, I'm not a lunatic; I'm not insane. I don't need to visit a counsellor of sort. Mum told me I've been to a psychiatrist once, when I was five, but I'm fine now. A healthy and strong individual, fighting my way till the very end; I'll never give up.
Potatoes
It's like I finally have the time to blog. It's been a real hectic time for me- it still is. But well, it's a day off school. My laptop broke down and it's kind of inconvenient for me to blog. I'm actually currently typing this post at my friend, Fikri's place. Yeah I'm using his laptop.
Life has been fine so far. I'm so happy to say I got over him. But what I'm currently real afraid of is that I'm infatuated with somebody else. This feeling- it's indescribable. I never planned to crush on anybody; I never wanted to.
So well, apparently I was kind of attacked on ask.fm last night. I have no idea who the person/people are, and I don't even bother guessing. I just want to trust all my friends around me. I just want to love all of them; I don't want to doubt any of them. My conscience is clear; I've been lying low these days. In fact, this year. I never crossed anyone's line. But well, maybe I have, unknowingly, or maybe it's past 'feuds'. I never hold things against people; I never intended to. I'm really sorry if I offended anybody, I truly have no idea at all. If I've offended you and just so happen that you're like reading this, I'm sorry, and I'd prefer for you/you guys to tell me straight in my face, rather than sending me hate messages on ask.fm. At least let me know what I've done wrong? It's basic courtesy- so called.
Some people ask me of what I think of those hate messages posted to me on ask.fm. Well, this is life, I'll say. You can never really please everybody. No matter what you do and how well you present yourself, people are still going to hate on you. Nobody's perfect, that's precisely why haters exist, no? No matter what you do, society's still gonna judge you. Take for example, you may be doing charity work and people may just call you 'fake'! You see, this is something about the perspective of people. Different people have different perspectives and that's a fact- nobody can change it. It's in people's blood.
Some people ask me, why do I even bother answering those 'questions' haters post to me. Well, the inverted commas are there for a reason. They aren't really questions you see. Basically, they're just random assumptions - in a way - about me. Well, I just thought that there's a 'learning point' in everything. Today, someone might be showing their hate to me. You'll never really know if tomorrow, someone might be showing their hate on you. What I'm experiencing today MAY be what YOU will be experiencing tomorrow.
Ellery, that's my name. That's the name my mother gave me. I don't know why so many people are having problems with 'Ellery', but that is the name my mum gave me, and I'm proud to say that I'm loving this name. It means joy and happiness. It's just as simple as that; I never meant to complicate things.
I don't really care if critics ever jump in line again; I'm mature enough to not stoop to the level of haters to even hate on them or argue/quarrel with them.
I'm sorry if you/you guys can't accept me for who I am. Nevertheless, this is me. This is who I am. Love me for who I am; don't love me for who I'm not. I appreciate everyone that have stuck with me through thick and thin of my life. I'm grateful for everyone in my life and just know that I love all of you! That's all for now! Back to my movie~
Life has been fine so far. I'm so happy to say I got over him. But what I'm currently real afraid of is that I'm infatuated with somebody else. This feeling- it's indescribable. I never planned to crush on anybody; I never wanted to.
So well, apparently I was kind of attacked on ask.fm last night. I have no idea who the person/people are, and I don't even bother guessing. I just want to trust all my friends around me. I just want to love all of them; I don't want to doubt any of them. My conscience is clear; I've been lying low these days. In fact, this year. I never crossed anyone's line. But well, maybe I have, unknowingly, or maybe it's past 'feuds'. I never hold things against people; I never intended to. I'm really sorry if I offended anybody, I truly have no idea at all. If I've offended you and just so happen that you're like reading this, I'm sorry, and I'd prefer for you/you guys to tell me straight in my face, rather than sending me hate messages on ask.fm. At least let me know what I've done wrong? It's basic courtesy- so called.
Some people ask me of what I think of those hate messages posted to me on ask.fm. Well, this is life, I'll say. You can never really please everybody. No matter what you do and how well you present yourself, people are still going to hate on you. Nobody's perfect, that's precisely why haters exist, no? No matter what you do, society's still gonna judge you. Take for example, you may be doing charity work and people may just call you 'fake'! You see, this is something about the perspective of people. Different people have different perspectives and that's a fact- nobody can change it. It's in people's blood.
Some people ask me, why do I even bother answering those 'questions' haters post to me. Well, the inverted commas are there for a reason. They aren't really questions you see. Basically, they're just random assumptions - in a way - about me. Well, I just thought that there's a 'learning point' in everything. Today, someone might be showing their hate to me. You'll never really know if tomorrow, someone might be showing their hate on you. What I'm experiencing today MAY be what YOU will be experiencing tomorrow.
Ellery, that's my name. That's the name my mother gave me. I don't know why so many people are having problems with 'Ellery', but that is the name my mum gave me, and I'm proud to say that I'm loving this name. It means joy and happiness. It's just as simple as that; I never meant to complicate things.
I don't really care if critics ever jump in line again; I'm mature enough to not stoop to the level of haters to even hate on them or argue/quarrel with them.
I'm sorry if you/you guys can't accept me for who I am. Nevertheless, this is me. This is who I am. Love me for who I am; don't love me for who I'm not. I appreciate everyone that have stuck with me through thick and thin of my life. I'm grateful for everyone in my life and just know that I love all of you! That's all for now! Back to my movie~
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