Basic Courtesy

Hello there folks! It's been so long since I've last updated here.

Went to USS with Estella today. It's been a great time though it was raining. Second year celebrating Christmas with this dear girl.

Last year, we celebrated Christmas on 24th December in Everland, Korea, with snow.
This year, we celebrated Christmas on 13th December in USS, Singapore, with rain.

Thank you so much for today girl. It's been 10 years since we've known each other and it's really a blessing to have you as a friend!

All was well. Except something that happened. Yes, as you may have guessed, this is gonna be the bulk of this entry. I'm touching on basic courtesy today.

Basic courtesy- what preschool teachers teach preschoolers. What parents teach their children. What people expect of one another. And sadly, what most people are lacking. As many would expect people in a highly developed country would behave- respectful, courteous and polite- reality often prove that this is not the case. There's always two sides to a story and what happened earlier today (wait it's 12.25AM, 14th December now so let me correct myself- yesterday), really grossed me out. Disgusting.

People often say, "Maturity doesn't come with age". Bingo man. I can't agree enough. So, let me give you a detailed write up on what exactly happened. However, to prevent unnecessary complications, I'll just call the people involved in the "conflict" A, B, C and D (MIDDLE-AGED ADULTS) (except for me and Estella).

Yes. I'm that pissed off I have to type this entry at 12+AM. If not I can't sleep. Trust me, I am THAT annoyed.

So, it was raining rather heavily and we decided that we want to have an early dinner. We went into this restaurant in USS, and it was really packed and there were no seats at all. So, Estella suggested that I queued up for the food while she searched for seats. I agreed and everything went on as planned. All was good.

About 5 minutes later, I noticed a family of 4 to my left were about to be done with their meal so I signalled for Estella to come over to wait by that table and she did. It was about 3 minutes later when I noticed these 3 people- Man A, Man B and Woman C, chatting loudly in a foreign language which I can't understand. Promptly after which, Woman C walked over to the other end of the table Estella was waiting by. Estella and I looked at each other, puzzled.

So, this kid (part of the family of 4) got out of his sit and Woman C hurriedly put her wallet on the table. Mind you, the family wasn't even done. The kid merely stood up first. How rude. Fine. It was obvious she was trying to snatch the table. So be it. Estella looked at me, puzzled and I just said out loud, "WE found this table FIRST so we're gonna take it.". Woman C shot me a look. But wait a minute, do I look like a care?!? Like hello I found the table first you should've known better than to try take the table from me? WORSE still, you didn't even ask for my permission to probably, SHARE the table. Rude.

When the family of 4 finally stood up to leave, Estella put her stuff on the chair nearer to us and separated the tables. It's logical- there's only two of us, me and Estella. We only need a table and TWO chairs yes. I'm CONFIDENT I'm NOT INVISIBLE yeah? We're already being kind by separating the tables and leaving TWO god damned seats for you okay. Just when we thought all was fine, Woman D came about and dragged the chair from our table to hers. I shot her a look. I couldn't be bothered any more since she wants to be this rude and annoying right? So, I just said, "I think it's obvious we need TWO chairs right?". What I said rendered her speechless and powerless so she had no choice but to return us the chair. Once again. JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER.

Woman: /talking to Estella/ Hey do you mind if you guys just shift to the table over there we found two seats. /vaguely points to some table/ ((SHE DIDN'T EVEN LEAVE THE FREAKING TABLE AND CLAIMED SHE FOUND TWO SEATS)) ((Do you really think we're dumbfucks?))

Estella: /looks at me, searching my face for answers/

Me: (since she wasn't directly talking to me) Ask her, if the seats are AVAILABLE.

Woman: There are seats over there. (THERE WERE NO TABLES THAT WERE EMPTY)

Me: Ask her, ARE THE SEATS AVAILABLE.

Woman: There are seats there there /points vaguely/

Me: (getting fired up) No. ARE THE SEATS EVEN AVAILABLE?

Woman was left with no choice so she went over to this pair of mother and daughter who were sitting at a table with two empty seats if the seats were actually available. I guess the mother was watching us throughout the entire "conflict" and she said yes that the seats were available. Fine. We move. Big deal? As long as we all have seats and everybody's happy right? Once again, JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER.

Approaching the counter, I asked Estella if she wanted to get trays so it'll be easier to carry our food. She said okay and went ahead to take TWO trays- one for ME and one for HERSELF. So I thought it would be easier for her if she left the tray ATTENDED at the metal bars so we could slide the trays along the counter. So, Man A and Man B were chit-chatting and they DID NOT EVEN TURN TO LOOK AT US. Man A just freaking extended his hand BACKWARDS and TOOK OUR TRAY.

EXCUSE YOU?????? DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT MANNERS IS?!!!?!??

I was.... just shocked? Appalled? At what happened. Since they want to pretend they can't see us right? Fine, I'll get my message across by talking to the air. So I said, out loud. I wanted everyone to hear and even better, know what the hell was going on.

"SOME people really DAMN RUDE. Don't even know what basic RESPECT and MANNERS are. Treat people like they're invisible? JOKE."

You can't fault me for being rude when THEY started being RUDE first. Fucked up attitudes. YOU PEOPLE are fucking ADULTS have you got to STOOP to such a LOW level to SNATCH SEATS and worse, TRAYS with TEENAGERS?????? Are you ill-mannered or ill-mannered? Even uneducated people know what RESPECT and MANNERS are. So who the fuck do you think you guys are? Some big shots? Even big shots have no rights to do these things okay. Gross. And once again, JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER.

We paid at the cashier and Man A kept pretending to talk to his (probably) friend with actions SO BIG it was obvious he was trying to brush his hairy arm against my face. Plus, his head was slightly tilted such that he could see me through his peripheral vision (just so you know, I may be young BUT I AM NOT DUMB) and he kept trying to brush his fucking hairy arm against my face. I didn't even flinch. I stared at him. INTENSELY. These people really. Trying too hard to test my patience. After a while he got kind of intimidated (I guess? I certainly HOPE he was) and moved his arm away. You better thank God you didn't really contacted my face or I'll bite the crap out of you.

And once again, JUST WHEN WE THOUGHT IT WAS ALL OVER.

We went back to our seats to have our meal. I was enjoying my meal and when I looked up, woman D was staring at me and when we had that eye contact for probably a second, she hurriedly looked away. It was obvious she was staring at me because her body was angled to her (probably) friends and her head was angled to me and she was staring so intensely at me. Excuse you MISS I would honestly appreciate it if you can just EAT YOUR DAMNED FOOD at the DAMNED SEATS YOU SNATCHED FROM US and look at your damned friends instead of staring at me.

I don't understand, you stare at me for what? So, I stared back. Even when she looked away, I knew she could still see that I'm staring at her through her peripheral vision. Like I said, I may be young, but I'M NOT DUMB. I seriously don't get it. This group of people are seriously annoying. They just had to pull this trigger in me (I have really low tolerance for shit from people and I get annoyed real easily) and yeah, I kind of had to just explode. I think they really need to learn. So what if we're teenagers? Do you think you can bully teenagers and get away with it? It's not justified. AT ALL. So, I got really pissed off and I said again, out loud:

"Some people really have to learn to EAT instead of STARE at others. It's so so so SO DAMN RUDE."

Goodness. I would've directly said what I said in their face it they didn't treat me as invisible. RUDE RUDE RUDE SO RUDE.

So what if you've got THICK eyeliner on? Yeah, you DID look fierce when you stared at me but your reasoning all went wrong THAT is why I could stare back at you and what? You look away. You really think you can bully kids huh?

So yes, that's the end of the story. What I want to bring across is, that people seriously have to LEARN to not be so rude and RESPECT others okay. So what if you're older by age? Age is MERELY a number. It doesn't signify ANYTHING at all. NOT even maturity. YOU don't take respect for granted. You freaking EARN it all right. Respect is a MUTUAL thing. You don't deserve MY respect.

What makes you so special? Hang your head up so high? Just because we're teenagers, you try to take advantage of us? Is that even justified? If today, WE are NOT teenagers, I honestly doubt you'll do that. You OUGHT to be ASHAMED of your actions because they're one of CHILDISH and DISRESPECTFUL.

Want to bully young people? I sought you to THINK TWICE.

Oh, what a day.

It Will Rain

Rain.
Sums up my thoughts and feelings right now.
Facing out of the window, watching as the rain falls to hit the cold hard ground.
Leaning against the wall for support.
But in it, I can't find strength.

Sometimes, it's like when you already know that you'll fall flat in your face, but you still want to hold on to that 0.00001% glimmer of hope.
And when that glimmer of hope disappears into thin air- that's when you lose everything.
And that's when you lose yourself.

If only things are as simple as you think it is going to be.

Just because you don't see it, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. Have you ever felt so numb that you don't even bother if people misunderstand you? Sometimes, what you see and what you hear aren't necessarily true. I hate it when people don't clarify things and jump into conclusions.

Sometimes, things you do may not appear nice. But your intentions are well; you mean well. You want to protect somebody but no, you don't think it's necessary for them to know. And there here they come, jumping into conclusions that you're trying to get them into trouble and shit. It really pains me.

I meant well.

But no, you don't have to know.

Because even if you do, nothing is gonna change.

Just take it as that you've never known a person like me.

You can say anything and everything you want about me.

But all I have to say to you is: no, you don't know me.

& it fucking hurts.

Group Work Woes

Have you ever met people who don't contribute much to assigned group tasks? It's just so, so annoying when you're the one doing everything, putting in all the effort. What makes things worse? Unappreciative people. That's the worst of the worst. If you're already affected by the first 5 sentences, I suggest you to just exit this page because this post's probably ain't for you.

No doubt at times, I'm really annoyed. Just FYI, I'm just talking about all the group work I've done so far for the entire 17 years of my life; I have no intention of arrowing this blog post to anyone. If you're affected by this post, it just means that you're probably the slacker in your group. That is my assumption though. No offence.

I do express my annoyance at times, when I'm really extremely annoyed or when people just get past my line. But I rarely or never, if circumstances allow, complain to relevant authorities which in this case, refer to the teachers. Well, true that the more things I do, the more taxing it's gonna be on me, be it physically, mentally or whatsoever. But in the end, it's gonna benefit me anyway. It's true that results matter, but results is one thing; process is yet another. Yes, you get the easy way out now, but it's not gonna benefit you in the long run. In fact, you'll suffer in the long run. Because you don't even know what the taste of success is like. You know the AFTER TASTE, not the taste of the process. You won't know what hardship is all about; all the struggles and shit. You don't grow. You don't understand failure. You'll remain stagnant and eventually, you'll just get disqualified by the society. So if you think you're enjoying success, think again. You probably just got yourself into deep shit.

A wise man once said "No pain, no gain.". How true. An individual who doesn't know the pain of achieving success, will never taste the true sweetness of success. Because no blood, sweat and tears of that individual is involved in any way. Simply said, he just can't enjoy success as much as one who puts in effort.

I've always believed that people who put in effort will prevail over those who don't. Those who put in the effort will eventually get somewhere; it's just a matter of time. So if you're putting in effort and feel like you're going nowhere, don't ever give up. You'll find people who appreciate you and you'll eventually get somewhere. You might be just wondering now but hey, not all who wanders are lost.

Well, all that I've shared above are just based on some of my personal experiences. You might be thinking: so how do you handle slackers in the group? Well, it's simple. (DISCLAIMER: these tips might or might not work for you because it's based on my personal experiences so follow at your own risk!)

 1) Keep a cool head- you wouldn't want everything to get to your head because the next thing you know, you'll just blow up and everything will become a mess. Our objective now is to solve the problem with minimal casualties; not create more problems and even more casualties.

2) BREATHE! - Chill man. Breathe and let the blood flow to your brain so you'll have clearer thoughts.

3) Think before you speak! - You wouldn't want to just blurt everything out at that person/ group of people. Tackle problems with an objective in mind: what is it that you want out of this confrontation? Hedge your words. You wouldn't want to appear too offensive. Do not forget that you probably have to do group work with that very same person or group of people again in the future. Try to minimise hurt to the relationship!

4) Talk it out - reason out (in a nice way of course) with the person or people involved. Just let loose a little and speak in a way you'll speak to your friends when you're asking for an advice or talking about a problem you're facing. Try to not be too harsh though.

If nothing works then I guess you can either:

1) Ignore the person or group of people and just do without them; they're gonna lose out anyway. Yes it may be taxing on you but if you survive it, you'll emerge stronger and better.

2) Tell a trusted friend. It always works. Friends are the best supporters.

So yeah just some tips. Hope it'll help! Have a great day folks and I'll see you soon!

Thoughts

"You've changed"- sounds familiar? That's a line agreed by many but me. I personally feel that people don't actually change; they just shed a layer of their skin every time something happens. It just brings us all a little closer to the core of the person; the true side of the person.

It's like as I grow older, I start to understand the true meaning to quality>quantity. Honestly, the number of friends you have don't matter. What matters is the quality of the friends you have. Because you may be sitting in a room full of people and still feel lonely. Friends that make you feel this way ain't quality friends. They're just like seasons because they never stay for long.

It's been a rather hectic time for me because of this major examination called Promotional Examinations. Stresses people up big time and well, what could I say? Part and parcel of life maybe? The stress is so immense that I suffered a breakout recently. Last paper next Tuesday but hey let me take a short break yeah!

Made some new friends yesterday. Yesterday was so good. I haven't laughed this way and been this crazy for a while already. I was so high I couldn't even sleep at night so yeah... I'm actually quite sleepy now to be frank. But I can't take a nap because I won't be able to sleep at night again.

Alright that's about all I have for today folks!

Have a great weekend!

Words

As most of my readers (if I even have any to start with) may know by now, I blog only when I have the feel to. It's been quite a while since my last post dated on 5th July. Well, I guess many don't know about this but I blog to express PERSONAL views; you may or may not agree with it but they are MY views. I like to phrase things in a general way, like it or not. If, by chance, after reading my blog entries, you feel that I'm talking about you, it just means that you're guilty of the topic discussed. Please do not have the idea that I'm "targeting" you in a way or another.

So yeah. Words. A powerful weapon; it can heal and it can kill. I often wonder how such a small thing- words- can have such a large impact. Used correctly, it can heal wounds and make everything better. Used wrongly, it can hurt and even kill someone. Words can get the agreement and acknowledgement from a group of people and yet the very same words can cause upheavals and uproars. Amazing.

We often speak or type or write without much thought. Personal experiences tell me: do not speak or write or type ANYTHING when you are angry. When you're angry, everything just gets into your head and bang. Everything comes. Usually, the outcome wouldn't be too desirable.

Time after time, we've been constantly reminded to think before we speak, to think before we post anything on social media and all. We often think that it's something so trivial that we keep close to our hearts and deep in our minds, that we subconsciously disregard.

Yes, some people may feel that they should just say whatever's on their minds; be straightforward. Don't beat around the bush. Question: how often are you 100% sure that whatever that's on your mind's correct? Yeah no doubt, being straightforward and genuine is an admirable quality. But will the outcomes really be desirable? Half the time, no.

I'm just a typical human being; I don't tell you what's right and what's wrong. Like I've mentioned earlier, it's my personal views. You may agree and you may not agree. Whatever the case, I just blog with the hope to probably open the minds of some of my readers so that they can perhaps see the perspectives of other people.

Having said all those, I just wanna share some tips. For instance, when you get caught up in something that you perhaps aren't very happy about, don't jump straight into blaming others. You may consider to first analyse the problem. Ask yourself questions like "why is this happening?", "am I in the wrong/" or something of sort. That being said, you should at least be honest, genuine and truthful to yourself. If you can't even be honest, genuine and truthful to yourself, I really don't know how you can treat others genuinely? Answer those questions honestly.

These days, I've been thinking a lot on the effects of words to the extent I feel old. I guess tough times really do change people's thoughts?

I would just like to end this entry with a quote on this bookmark I've received from a classmate of mine, Yvonne. It says:

"Don't worry. Sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together." - Anonymous 

Life is a never-ending journey. You never know what's up ahead. There's always gonna be another mountain; it's always gonna be an uphill battle and sometimes you're just gonna have to lose. But you just have to keep moving forward; have faith. You'll definitely make it. Keep going; RESILIENCE is KEY.

Bless you my readers! Have a great weekend!

Keep Things Simple

What could I say?

This is precisely why I have trust issues. It's like every single time I decide to open up, something's bound to happen. It just feels like history's repeating itself over and over again, countless times.

I don't really understand why but as much as I understand, that is it.

Well, that aside, my life can totally be summed up using one word- stress. Lectures after tutorials after assignments, tests and projects and shit. I don't really know what I want anymore.

Aimless.

Priorities

I asked myself a few days back, when I was down, "What are your priorities in life?". I stumbled upon sudden realisation that I was so engrossed with whatever I was doing that I wasn't even focusing on my priorities.

Life is like a piece of artwork. You control how this masterpiece of yours is gonna turn out- no one else has control over it. For instance, when something bad happens, you have 2 options: pick yourself up and keep moving on, or drown yourself in your own sorrows.

It may have been wrong of me to react the way I reacted, but I am only human. I have feelings too. In the very first place, did you even spare a thought for me? No you didn't. I probably know the rationale behind your actions but hey, that isn't the way you get things going man. It hurts. I'm telling you it hurts. You probably won't even see this but I felt real hurt.

Some people say, people can only hurt you if you "allow" them to. Nope, I certainly don't agree with that. It's more of like, the way people bring their "idea" across? I don't know but I'm not hurt because you even mean something to me. It's more like the way you're trying to convey your message to me. I understand, I really do. But I need time. I'm not a machine; I'm not a robot. I am only human. I have feelings, I have tears. I have a heart and I can feel. You can't just program me and *poof* I don't feel a thing. I really hate to say this but I really regretted. This is like even worse than what happened 2 years ago but whatever. Like I always say, what's meant to be will be; what's not meant to be will never be.

People come and go; they're either a lesson or a blessing.

Alright, moving on!

I'm so glad I've survived initiation with my fellow TRUG team mates! FYI, TRUG = Touch Rugby. And yes, I love them to bits! I'm so in love with my TRUG shirt and it's like soooooo pretty I swear. TEAM NYJC TRUG let's go! Hehe.

Oh yes, CCA aside... Life's god damn stressful. I don't know how I'm gonna survive this but I'm gonna figure a way somehow! As ridiculous as it may sound but, studying's really starting to take a toll on me. I'm real tired I don't know? Fell sick (ok actually I'm still quite sick) and life kinda sucks but I'm glad to say that there're always friends and my TRUG girls who'll be there to make everything so much better!

Right, that's all folks. A rather abrupt ending but hey I just made it less abrupt ok haha sorry for the lameness ciao!

你从来都不曾在乎我的感受,

I'd Lie

Spent the whole day out with my mum today. There really ain't much to do these days. To make things worse, I NEED to keep myself occupied so that my mind won't float too far away and think of all the unnecessary things that will cause me to feel all down and out again. All those negative feelings just won't stop bugging me. I'm so exhausted, mentally. But this time, it's not like the answers aren't there. The answers themselves, they are there. It's just that maybe I can't accept them yet I guess? Maybe I'm just not good enough. It's not like I don't know what to do next. I know EXACTLY what I have to do but I just can't seem to do it. 

I honestly can't wait for school to start. Once school starts, I'll be busy with school and I doubt I'll have the time to "think excessively". 

Argh, forget it. Some pictures to fill up the spaces..

I just feel really lost at times. What you're doing now- it's making me miss you even more. I'm sorry that I've overestimated myself once again. I THOUGHT I could do it, without you.

& if they ask me if I love you, I'd Lie.

Words Left Unsaid

It's been some time, folks. To be brutally honest, I didn't have the mood to blog. I wonder why I even started blogging. I started blogging way back in time, when I was still in primary school. Well of course, the content of the blog posts were... literally, shit.

Holidays. Long holidays. Well, I went to Korea again. Certainly, many things aren't the same anymore. I didn't visit all the same places and even if I did, those places changed rather significantly. Went to Jeju island, Gwangju and Seoul and the experiences were great. Breathtaking views of Mother Nature on the mountains, picking tangerines in tangerine farms, playing on super exciting rides that gives people adrenaline rushes and of course, I've met new friends and I count myself really lucky because all the teenagers are of about the same age, ranging from 13 to 19 years of age. The best thing was that we clicked real well and the 10 days in Korea and Shanghai went by in the blink of an eye.

Never have I thought that there'll be no turning back. I thought I was strong enough and disciplined enough to back off. But oh well. Seems like I was wrong. I shouldn't regret what I've done and all but I'm sincere in what I do and say. Everything's real.

I'm in need of a miracle.
I'm waiting for a miracle to happen.